The dangers of texting while drunk

July 1st, 2015

The bomb squad was at my door this morning with search warrants. They thought that I was a radical! Wow, how did I get into such a situation? It all started when I went bar hopping after visiting the dentist. After I had three of my teeth pulled, the thought of drinking the pain away was very appealing. After a few dozen drinks, I met this wonderful woman. She gave me her number and wanted to have a dinner date. So, I sent her a text. I suggested that fillet mignon and nice bottle of wine. The voice recognition messed up my text, so the message read like ingredients to a bomb-making date, that included ammonia and hydrated lime. The lesson here, never go bar hopping after visiting the dentist. As the Department of Homeland security interrogated me, I realized that I can’t even remember her name.

Jumping Over Petals

May 26th, 2015

It was a bright, clear spring day, and the bees were buzzing, While momma told me to stay away from the flowers Harrogate blooming in her garden; I couldn’t resist to flounder innocently among the colorful petals. As I entered the “no fly zone”, a subtle, quiet hum filled my ears. Little did I know that in a few seconds that hum would be the warning signal to drop everything and run. The glorious colorful garden attracted the honey bees for our apple farm, and that buzz was coming from 200 bees or so. It only took one sniff of my curious nose to understand the imminent danger I poised. As soon as my nose touch the sweet center of the purple petals, a sharp stinging sensation jabbed deep into my nose. Jolted by the pain, I hurdled over the gate, ran to momma, and exclaimed “the petals are under attack!”

Hearing Restored

May 24th, 2015

It was time to face it: sounds were starting to run together. Since I like being able to understand people, especially my kids, it was time to do something about it. I headed in to the store and picked up one of those ear wax removal Stockport kits, hoping that would be all it took to restore me to normal hearing.

You know what they don’t tell you about those kits? They’re messy. Sure, there’s something kind of satisfying about hearing that soft crackle as the wax in your ears breaks up, and it’s a relief to see all that wax landing in the sink. It’s also a good idea, however, to remember to either throw a towel over your shoulders or accept that you’re going to have to change your shirt afterward, because wax-filled water goes everywhere. Or maybe that’s just me? On the bright side, I could hear again.

I Should Have Went To College!

May 16th, 2015

Day in, day out as I walk back and forth from my tiny cubicle to the rundown printer, I repeat the repetitive walk of shame to the printer. How was I to know how horrible I was at answering phones and filing? Unlike my old routine ” Hello, how may I direct your call?” My new demoted title “The printer girl” has some how remained stuck in my head, as I take my daily strolls to the printers Manchester machine. Somehow, the title rings in my ears like a never ending 80′s song on repeat! How enthusiastic can I be at my job after being crowned with a nickname like “The Print Queen?” Listening to the chuckles under co-worker’s breath has become a regular background noise, as are the beeps of each paper scanned. I think I need a new job. As a matter-of-fact, I quit!

Look How I’ve Grown!

May 13th, 2015

I had been frustrated for a long time with the fact that I couldn’t seem to get anyone to visit my webpage. I was trying to sell things, but I couldn’t even get anyone to pay attention to what I had to offer. Then, I signed up with a new web design agency and suddenly the business is pouring in.

My site has brought in so many customers. I have grown so much since I had things newly designed. I am so happy with the change. I really cannot say enough about how this new website has changed my life and my business. It is amazing! I really just can’t stop talking about it. Before I updated my site I thought that I was stuck, now I am constantly drawing in new customers and receiving all kinds of positive feedback.

My Very Own Business

May 12th, 2015

I started carpentry school today and am shocked at all the things I still had to learn. One of the things I was shocked by was a pea shingle. I have never heard of it before in my lifetime! I also learned about different sawing techniques, that are done in more of an old fashioned way. Honestly my favorite thing about my teacher is that he loves to do things the old school way, so it gives me a chance to learn everything all over again. My class runs for a year so I will have plenty of time to learn all of these little things I was unaware of. Once those things are down pact I will be well on my way to becoming a professional carpenter. Once that happens I can than start my own business with employees of my own.

This is Life

May 11th, 2015

So my wife snds me out for NCR pads last week. First thought in my mind was “What in the hell are these things and what is her end goal with them?” She makes lists. I’m pretty sure it’s list making ability that enables women to be the brains behind anything. I mean anything too. The saying “Behind every powerful man is a strong woman” doesn’t exist for nothing. So now with that, my second thought is “What means is she going to use this to more than likely complicate my life.” That’s years of experience with the burden of being a man right there. No matter how seemingly innocent a request from my wife seems, I know there’s some kind of ultimate end that results in hard work for me. This leaves me feeling a bit conflicted. I’m pretty pressed at work, so whatever task she has in mind for me, I’m not really up for doing it. If I don’t get them though, I’m in the doghouse. Using “doghouse” makes it sound cute and like a situation from a sitcom, but it is far from either of those things.

A Hail Mary Saved My Business

May 3rd, 2015

My dream of owning a graphic design business had come true. I had my equipment, knew what to do, and had a few customers. The problem started when the economy took a turn for the worse. My local customer base dwindled to less than 5 regulars. I was not making ends meet.

I was about to consider bankrupting the business when a friend of mine mentioned search engine optimization. I did have a website that was full of my beautiful designs, but the site was getting no traffic. My friend said that this company did cheap SEO business and that their turnaround was fast.

In less than 2 weeks I had quadrupled the traffic on my website, and added few new clients. In a month I had enough business to pay the bills again.